The Purpose of Excommunication

On its face excommunication can seem like something very incongruent with Christ's love. When I was a teenager, I thought excommunication was all about punishing someone who was wrong, sort of like judgement coming a little early for an individual. I think that my teenage understanding was definitely incongruent with the mission of the Church as well as our Lord's love. Because of my poor understanding, I remember being surprised when my dad explained that people who are excommunicated can be re-baptized and rejoin the Church. To my confusion my father clarified: "actually, the whole purpose of excommunicating someone is so that they will eventually get re-baptized."

When members need to have certain blessings withheld, the Lord’s object is to teach as well as to discipline. So probation, disfellowshipment, and excommunication, when they become necessary, are ideally accompanied by eventual reinstatement and restoration of blessings. - Elder Ballard

Elder Ballard wrote this article for the Church News in 1985 and it was republished in a 1990 issue of the Ensign. Later in the same article he states:

Members sometimes ask why Church disciplinary councils are held. The purpose is threefold: to save the soul of the transgressor, to protect the innocent, and to safeguard the Church’s purity, integrity, and good name.

The first purpose of a disciplinary council is to help someone repent. I remember someone sharing a testimony about being disciplined in a disciplinary council. Wisely, the reason for being disciplined was not shared, but she stated that these councils are courts of love, and that throughout the entire process of repentance (she was not excommunicated) she felt how much her leaders cared for her and wanted to help her. In my friend's case, the disciplinary council was essential to helping her repent.

Certainly, repenting fully is easiest and best in private. Unfortunately, some sins are committed publicly or become known publicly, either in a small community or in general. Repentance can often be a sore and trying experience, and my heart goes out to those who have the misfortune of baring public shame in addition to the normal guilt that comes from sin. To help minimize this damage, Church leaders who participate in disciplinary councils are commanded to keep things strictly confidential. Even simple questions whose answers may likely be innocuous are usually not answered. The message is clear: we are here for repentance, and people can repent best when given space and privacy.*

I know that God's love doesn't have a beginning or an end for any of us. He is the God which leaves the ninety and nine to search for the one. I have seen firsthand how He diligently searches, and I trust His love.





*Some may ask why, if we want to provide space and privacy, does anyone have to know about any of the sins. Why do certain sins have to be confessed to a bishop or other church leaders? The answer is that people need help repenting of certain sins. I will compare it to smoking: many people quit smoking, but very few, if any, do it completely alone. People experience the most success when quitting with support. Repenting is a process of changing and becoming someone better; it includes healing our very soul. Serious sins are more difficult to overcome, and here the role of a bishop, stake president, or even a council in the most serious circumstances is to assist in that process.

Understanding Modesty

Oddly enough, I've read two stories about modesty in the news recently. One about a girl in Canada who felt humiliated by her school's dress code and another about a school in Utah that digitally edited yearbook pictures. Although I'm a strong believer in modesty and teaching the benefits of dressing modestly, I want to note that I don't agree with the way that either of these schools went about it. It seems to me that forcing teenage girls to stand in line and be measured for modesty is ridiculous, embarrassing, and perhaps hypocritical; editing people's yearbook photos without notifying them - and doing it unevenly - also seems silly at best.*

At any rate, some of the discussion around this asks why we don't simply teach boys not to view girls as sexual objects instead of forcing girls to dress a certain way. Some say that teaching girls they must dress modestly is the beginning of blaming rape victims for getting raped. Sadly, there are some people who teach modesty in exactly those ways and say those same horrible ideas. Obviously, no one who is raped deserves it; sexual violence is among the worst sins that one can commit, and the victim is never at fault. However, dressing modestly is important for all, and I want to explain why I believe so.

I believe that all of us, every male and female, is a child of God. I believe that we were given bodies for the purpose of coming to this earth where we are tested and have the chance to learn. Humans were the crowning creation, and in my opinion the people on the earth and the most interesting and beautiful part of it. This is saying a lot when you contemplate the beauty of the earth, but I believe it is true.

With our bodies, God also gave us the power to take His hand and join in creating life. This is a simple, obvious, and powerful reminder that we are divine in nature, not mundane. Our Creator also gave us deep, powerful feelings so that we might join together, and that "... they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh." (Mark 10:8) Twain is a word that means two, and teaching refers to the importance of marriage.

If our bodies are given to us for a divine purpose, shouldn't we treat them as such? When something is important and personal, do we tell everyone about it? Or do we share it only with closer friends in a context where it will be meaningful?

The primary reason for dressing modestly ought to come from how we see ourselves and not from fear for how others might see us. Dressing modestly should be a way that we say to the world: I'm a child of God; I have divine potential and destiny.

In other words, I reject the idea that teaching people (I keep using gender inclusive words because all must dress modestly, and if we are teaching modestly only to women and girls then we are failing.) to dress modestly is meant to shame them. It is quite the opposite. Dressing modestly is meant to help people recognize their divine nature and purpose on this earth; nothing would do more for self-esteem than for all to grasp it.





*I went to a public high school in Chicago that enforced a dress code for yearbook pictures. They would tell people to change their clothes if they felt it didn't meet the school's dress code, and I think that's a very reasonable way to go about it.

Bullying

Usually, when we think about bullying, we think of it as something that older/taller/stronger kids do to younger/smaller/weaker kids. Sadly, this is just one kind of bullying, and maybe not the worst kind.

Let me tell you a story of a woman I knew through church. Her and her husband went to church together; she started out happily married and had friends at church. Over time, her marriage deteriorated; neither she nor her husband fixed it, and eventually it ended in divorce. In addition to feeling like she was hurting so much she couldn't recover, she noticed that some at church who were once her friends no longer said hi or invited her places. Many people had decided that it was her fault she was getting divorced and that her husband was guiltless in the matter. Church, which had been a refuge to her for her entire life, became a major trial every week. She loves the Lord and His Gospel, but seeing the people at Church and overhearing comments made became more and more difficult.

For me, the saddest part of this story is that it is the story of more than one person I know. In some cases the story is exactly the same, except the congregation all seems to side with the woman and not the man. The ending hasn't stayed constant: I know some who somehow stuck through it and continued to be active in church, but I know others for whom it became too much and they stopped attending. Some of these later returned, others haven't returned yet, but the question is: why do we put our brothers and sisters through this?

I'm still fairly young, but I have known enough marriages to know that everyone has disagreements and fights in their marriage. Some of these people get divorced, but I have not yet met someone who - even in the tiny amount I observed of their relationship, the public part - was perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Most of us who are still married are still married greatly due to the fact that our spouses have forgiven us over and over again.


Why should we pretend we are better than others? I've seen this kind of exclusion happen around divorce, around unmarried pregnancies, young men who choose not to serve missions, or any number of other things that are less than ideal. If we take upon us the name of Christ, shouldn't we also take His works upon ourselves? Didn't He reach out to those who were stigmatized by society? Indeed He died for the just and the unjust, that all might have the chance to repent. We cannot follow Christ by scorning those who have the misfortune of sinning in ways that become publicly known.

I believe that many, many members of the Church and of any church simply don't engage in this sort of behavior. I'm certainly not saying that I've seen the entire congregation act this way, but if you put yourself in the shoes of the one going through it then you can see that it doesn't take a lot of people doing this for you to feel that it is everyone, or that the ones being nice are the exception. All I can say is that none of us can practice this kind of hypocrisy and think that it will be viewed with the least degree of tolerance in the eyes of God.

Instead, we ought to realize how much reaching out can lift up someone who is likely going through one of the hardest times of his or her life. I know that Jesus is the Christ for all 100, but He leaves the ninety and nine and searches for the one. If we will follow Him then we must do likewise.

Feminism and Mormonism

Lately it seems there has been an increase in different outlets weighing feminist ideals and Mormonism. The New York Times recently wrote about women and the Church; I found it fairly similar to other pieces of coverage on the matter and it has me thinking about feminism and Mormonism.

One things troubles me a lot about the articles I've read: almost all of them paint the Church is a light of having men rule over women. This is also true of the Ordain Women group. Their frequently asked questions explains that women are not equals in the Church and that men preside over homes, suggesting that the Church teaches women to subordinate themselves to men. While the Church has doctrines that don't mesh well with all of feminism I don't understand why neither media coverage nor the Ordain Women group paint the full picture.

Firstly, the oldest and largest women's group in the world is: [drum roll] the Relief Society. It was organized in 1842; this is the time when married women were beginning to enjoy the right to own property, and the Church created a women's only organization that ran and still runs major social initiatives. This  organization is central to the Church's operations both locally and worldwide, even though it isn't the core leadership by itself.

Secondly, the Church provides mentors and support specifically for young women aged 12-18 - before 12 children are all in the same support system and around time young women turn 18 they transition the Relief Society. Between this organization and the primary (for children under 12) there are 3 women who are on the council for how to run each local congregation. All major decisions are supposed to be made on this council, and all are encouraged to offer their opinions.

Finally, Church leaders preach against any idea of a man ruling his home. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World we are taught that men and women are "obligated to help one another as equal partners." President Hinckley gave a beautiful talk on women and the Church: The Women in Our Lives. He points out numerous ways that The Lord has elevated women and asks: "Why is it that even though Jesus placed woman in a position of preeminence, so many men who profess His name fail to do so?" President Hinckley condemns all of the ideas that many social commentaries suggest the Church reinforces, and he's not alone; the Church has always condemned the subjugation of women.

I know that the members of the Church frequently fail to live up to its pure doctrines. I wish I could say I've never met a chauvinist Mormon, and that I know for sure that no Priesthood holder has ever abused his wife or children. Unfortunately, I know that isn't true, but I also know that those would be true if all men lived the doctrines they are taught, and that's precisely what I wish social commentaries would explicitly recognize.

A Testimony of Christ

I know that Jesus Christ is the Jehovah of the Old Testament. I know that He descended from a throne to be born in a manger. I know that He lived His life as a perfect example for us; He wanted to show us how to have peace in this life and to return to Heavenly Father afterwards.

I know that He willingly gave His life for us. No man took it from Him, but He gave it, and He took it up again. He lives!

I know that He willingly suffered for you and for me. Despite having power to stop things at any time He allowed Himself to be tortured, so that He could know, according to the flesh, how to heal our pains. He suffered so that we can be healed with His stripes.

I know that He is merciful. He focuses more on the 10% we did right than the 90% we did wrong, especially when the 10% is our best effort. I know He wants nothing more than to apply His Atonement to our sins and make them right.

I know that He did not just suffer for sin: He suffered all of our pains. Every mental anguish, stress, unjust circumstance, trauma, unspeakable and unexplainable pain. He took all these upon Himself so that He could heal us, even the heaviest burdens He can make light.

I know that He watches over us now and seeks to bless us. I know that He lives, and because He lives we can hope for a better world, even when nothing our eyes see backs it up.

I believe in Christ.

A Note About Me

I want to explain myself a little bit, because even I wonder about what kind of person writes a blog explaining and preaching religion.

I want to be clear about something: I don't think I'm some kind of sage with all the answers. I do try to become closer to the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost as a person, and I want to share things that help me with others.

I don't view myself as a righteous man showing others how to be righteous. Never have I felt stronger in the faith and yet never have my many shortcomings been so obvious. Its one of those paradoxical things about life. I try to write about Christ's doctrine as I understand it; I'm in no way trying to suggest that I live up to His doctrine perfectly.

Finally, I want to say that I derive great personal strength from striving to live according to my beliefs and my faith. I have found that the truer I try to be, the stronger I feel.

Learning To Love

Elder Holland said in his talk on Saturday morning that "Christlike love is the greatest need we have on this planet in part because righteousness was always supposed to accompany it." This got me thinking more about the link between love and righteousness.

... bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love;

This is from Alma 38:12, where Alma is giving council to his son Shiblon. Reading this scripture as a young man made me ask myself: why is self-control so important for being able to love others? Now that I have been an adult for a little bit and I have a small amount of experience as a husband and a father the answer is a little more obvious. In many cases, loving someone else means putting their needs before your needs. When you have small children, you often need to put their need for food, sleep, a hug, or something else before your need for peace, quiet, or order. Frequently I see myself needing to learn this lesson again and again, and needing more and more self-control to apply it appropriately.

That is one explanation, but there are far more. Not mentioned in this scripture is that Shiblon's brother seemingly had recently committed adultery instead of doing missionary work. It begs the question: can a man who can't control his lust truly love a woman? Obviously, being in control can mean different things, but certainly a man must be in control enough to recognize that his partner is a person and not an object to be used in order to express real love for her.

Imagine how many hateful things have been said and how many relationships have been ruined because of moments of weakness. All kinds of abuse would either greatly diminish or go away entirely if it weren't for times that we really aren't in control of ourselves. All of the commandments teach us discipline and self-control in one way or another, therefore helping us to love and not hate.

I have personal experience in many parts of my life where my attempts at following God's commandments have lead me to deeper love and understanding. I know that trying to be closer to Him makes me closer to those around me; its making more out of me than I could ever make of myself.