Bullying

Usually, when we think about bullying, we think of it as something that older/taller/stronger kids do to younger/smaller/weaker kids. Sadly, this is just one kind of bullying, and maybe not the worst kind.

Let me tell you a story of a woman I knew through church. Her and her husband went to church together; she started out happily married and had friends at church. Over time, her marriage deteriorated; neither she nor her husband fixed it, and eventually it ended in divorce. In addition to feeling like she was hurting so much she couldn't recover, she noticed that some at church who were once her friends no longer said hi or invited her places. Many people had decided that it was her fault she was getting divorced and that her husband was guiltless in the matter. Church, which had been a refuge to her for her entire life, became a major trial every week. She loves the Lord and His Gospel, but seeing the people at Church and overhearing comments made became more and more difficult.

For me, the saddest part of this story is that it is the story of more than one person I know. In some cases the story is exactly the same, except the congregation all seems to side with the woman and not the man. The ending hasn't stayed constant: I know some who somehow stuck through it and continued to be active in church, but I know others for whom it became too much and they stopped attending. Some of these later returned, others haven't returned yet, but the question is: why do we put our brothers and sisters through this?

I'm still fairly young, but I have known enough marriages to know that everyone has disagreements and fights in their marriage. Some of these people get divorced, but I have not yet met someone who - even in the tiny amount I observed of their relationship, the public part - was perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Most of us who are still married are still married greatly due to the fact that our spouses have forgiven us over and over again.


Why should we pretend we are better than others? I've seen this kind of exclusion happen around divorce, around unmarried pregnancies, young men who choose not to serve missions, or any number of other things that are less than ideal. If we take upon us the name of Christ, shouldn't we also take His works upon ourselves? Didn't He reach out to those who were stigmatized by society? Indeed He died for the just and the unjust, that all might have the chance to repent. We cannot follow Christ by scorning those who have the misfortune of sinning in ways that become publicly known.

I believe that many, many members of the Church and of any church simply don't engage in this sort of behavior. I'm certainly not saying that I've seen the entire congregation act this way, but if you put yourself in the shoes of the one going through it then you can see that it doesn't take a lot of people doing this for you to feel that it is everyone, or that the ones being nice are the exception. All I can say is that none of us can practice this kind of hypocrisy and think that it will be viewed with the least degree of tolerance in the eyes of God.

Instead, we ought to realize how much reaching out can lift up someone who is likely going through one of the hardest times of his or her life. I know that Jesus is the Christ for all 100, but He leaves the ninety and nine and searches for the one. If we will follow Him then we must do likewise.

Feminism and Mormonism

Lately it seems there has been an increase in different outlets weighing feminist ideals and Mormonism. The New York Times recently wrote about women and the Church; I found it fairly similar to other pieces of coverage on the matter and it has me thinking about feminism and Mormonism.

One things troubles me a lot about the articles I've read: almost all of them paint the Church is a light of having men rule over women. This is also true of the Ordain Women group. Their frequently asked questions explains that women are not equals in the Church and that men preside over homes, suggesting that the Church teaches women to subordinate themselves to men. While the Church has doctrines that don't mesh well with all of feminism I don't understand why neither media coverage nor the Ordain Women group paint the full picture.

Firstly, the oldest and largest women's group in the world is: [drum roll] the Relief Society. It was organized in 1842; this is the time when married women were beginning to enjoy the right to own property, and the Church created a women's only organization that ran and still runs major social initiatives. This  organization is central to the Church's operations both locally and worldwide, even though it isn't the core leadership by itself.

Secondly, the Church provides mentors and support specifically for young women aged 12-18 - before 12 children are all in the same support system and around time young women turn 18 they transition the Relief Society. Between this organization and the primary (for children under 12) there are 3 women who are on the council for how to run each local congregation. All major decisions are supposed to be made on this council, and all are encouraged to offer their opinions.

Finally, Church leaders preach against any idea of a man ruling his home. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World we are taught that men and women are "obligated to help one another as equal partners." President Hinckley gave a beautiful talk on women and the Church: The Women in Our Lives. He points out numerous ways that The Lord has elevated women and asks: "Why is it that even though Jesus placed woman in a position of preeminence, so many men who profess His name fail to do so?" President Hinckley condemns all of the ideas that many social commentaries suggest the Church reinforces, and he's not alone; the Church has always condemned the subjugation of women.

I know that the members of the Church frequently fail to live up to its pure doctrines. I wish I could say I've never met a chauvinist Mormon, and that I know for sure that no Priesthood holder has ever abused his wife or children. Unfortunately, I know that isn't true, but I also know that those would be true if all men lived the doctrines they are taught, and that's precisely what I wish social commentaries would explicitly recognize.

A Testimony of Christ

I know that Jesus Christ is the Jehovah of the Old Testament. I know that He descended from a throne to be born in a manger. I know that He lived His life as a perfect example for us; He wanted to show us how to have peace in this life and to return to Heavenly Father afterwards.

I know that He willingly gave His life for us. No man took it from Him, but He gave it, and He took it up again. He lives!

I know that He willingly suffered for you and for me. Despite having power to stop things at any time He allowed Himself to be tortured, so that He could know, according to the flesh, how to heal our pains. He suffered so that we can be healed with His stripes.

I know that He is merciful. He focuses more on the 10% we did right than the 90% we did wrong, especially when the 10% is our best effort. I know He wants nothing more than to apply His Atonement to our sins and make them right.

I know that He did not just suffer for sin: He suffered all of our pains. Every mental anguish, stress, unjust circumstance, trauma, unspeakable and unexplainable pain. He took all these upon Himself so that He could heal us, even the heaviest burdens He can make light.

I know that He watches over us now and seeks to bless us. I know that He lives, and because He lives we can hope for a better world, even when nothing our eyes see backs it up.

I believe in Christ.

A Note About Me

I want to explain myself a little bit, because even I wonder about what kind of person writes a blog explaining and preaching religion.

I want to be clear about something: I don't think I'm some kind of sage with all the answers. I do try to become closer to the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost as a person, and I want to share things that help me with others.

I don't view myself as a righteous man showing others how to be righteous. Never have I felt stronger in the faith and yet never have my many shortcomings been so obvious. Its one of those paradoxical things about life. I try to write about Christ's doctrine as I understand it; I'm in no way trying to suggest that I live up to His doctrine perfectly.

Finally, I want to say that I derive great personal strength from striving to live according to my beliefs and my faith. I have found that the truer I try to be, the stronger I feel.

Learning To Love

Elder Holland said in his talk on Saturday morning that "Christlike love is the greatest need we have on this planet in part because righteousness was always supposed to accompany it." This got me thinking more about the link between love and righteousness.

... bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love;

This is from Alma 38:12, where Alma is giving council to his son Shiblon. Reading this scripture as a young man made me ask myself: why is self-control so important for being able to love others? Now that I have been an adult for a little bit and I have a small amount of experience as a husband and a father the answer is a little more obvious. In many cases, loving someone else means putting their needs before your needs. When you have small children, you often need to put their need for food, sleep, a hug, or something else before your need for peace, quiet, or order. Frequently I see myself needing to learn this lesson again and again, and needing more and more self-control to apply it appropriately.

That is one explanation, but there are far more. Not mentioned in this scripture is that Shiblon's brother seemingly had recently committed adultery instead of doing missionary work. It begs the question: can a man who can't control his lust truly love a woman? Obviously, being in control can mean different things, but certainly a man must be in control enough to recognize that his partner is a person and not an object to be used in order to express real love for her.

Imagine how many hateful things have been said and how many relationships have been ruined because of moments of weakness. All kinds of abuse would either greatly diminish or go away entirely if it weren't for times that we really aren't in control of ourselves. All of the commandments teach us discipline and self-control in one way or another, therefore helping us to love and not hate.

I have personal experience in many parts of my life where my attempts at following God's commandments have lead me to deeper love and understanding. I know that trying to be closer to Him makes me closer to those around me; its making more out of me than I could ever make of myself.

Charity

Charity is explained in the scriptures as "the pure love of Christ." I would compare it to the love that most humans share with other humans as the way a drop of water compares to the ocean.

One might ask, you love this person, but would you die for them? This question demonstrates a small piece of the difference between basic love and charity, but it is only a beginning. There are people I would give my life for in a heartbeat, but they are people who love me in return and bring me great personal joy. I could and would suffer many things for them; however, this doesn't really compare with what Christ did for us. He gave His life for all, including those whom He knows will never repent. He gave His life for those that would crucify Him; He gave His life those that would conspire against Him. He gave His life for everyone, no matter how recalcitrant and unworthy. No dividing lines were drawn.

Pondering such acts of love is almost stupefying; I at least cannot comprehend such purity and devotion. I think that the most noble things I do are at best vaguely similar this kind of love. Emphasis on vaguely.

The scriptures teach us that we are nothing if we do not have charity. At the same time, honest reflection likely points out that we do few to no things which equal the love evident in our Lord's redeeming sacrifice, or in other words, we have a long way to go to meet this commandment. Teachings such as this can serve as powerful reminders of our own need to rely on Christ, no matter how strong/smart/attractive/powerful/rich/whatever else we think we are.

For me, brushes with charity serve as an additional reminder. I know that charity is real because I have felt it, even if for fleeting moments. I have felt Christ's love for others only in moments of service, and in those moments it has been very obvious that it was not my love I felt. In an instant I contemplated a person's many faults and shortcomings, simultaneously feeling nothing but the desire to wrap them in my arms and stop all pain, reassure all self-doubts, and buoy up their spirits in every way. Some feelings defy the constraints inherent in language, but I pray that the Holy Ghost can carry the meaning to you.

Nothing is more real than the love that our Father and our Redeemer have for us. They love us completely and want to be intimately involved in our lives. Of this I am certain.

Self-Control Works Exactly How It Sounds

He who takes offense when offense was not intended is a fool, yet he who takes offense when offense was intended is an even greater fool for he has succumbed to the will of his adversary.

This quote is commonly attributed to Brigham Young. For me, there's obvious wisdom here: if I allow myself to be offended I'm giving up some control over myself to someone else. (Obviously, accepting this quote requires admitting that we're all foolish sometimes, but that's ok to me.) Its important to remember that I can ultimately decide how I feel; the more I develop self-control the more I can enjoy mastery over my own feelings.

The splendor of this idea is made obvious when we contrast this idea with the era of political-correctness; some in our society seem to believe that feeling offended is a righteous pursuit. I have heard many people suggest that you have no choice except to feel victimized if someone does certain things or says certain things. Freedom of choice is bestowed on all of us by God, and no one can take it from you if you don't let them.

Just like any discipline, this takes practice. We can start out small. Let's say: no one who is rude to me today means anything by it. Its probably something in his or her personal life. Often times, this is actually even a correct statement. Little by little, I develop more and more ability to be happy, despite how others may treat me.

As I work to develop more self-control there is a power beyond my own will available to me. Our Common Father blesses us with opportunities to develop self-control and helps us through them. I know because He helps me, despite my many short-comings. I know that He wants our freedom; He wants all of us to have the strength to choose, even if it is something we must work towards.

I believe in repentance. If someone offends me and I won't let it go, then in that moment I'm not showing much faith in repentance. If I can find the faith to leave it in the Lord's hands and not take offense, then my self-control will become a gift that keeps on giving; I gain more control of who I am and who I am becoming. This is the opposite of easy, and, like all Gospel ideals, is something we all need to improve.

I testify that God wants us to control our thoughts, our emotions, and our bodies. Through self-control, we can. We can eventually become free from all of the ills of the world, little by little, line upon line, precept upon precept.